Archive for the ‘Health Care’ Category

Street Kids Applaud Bush Health Care Veto

Wednesday, October 3rd, 2007

Victorian Street Kids Aplaud Move

Legions of homeless toddling street kids across America vehemently supported President Bush’s move on Thursday to veto an expansion to the children’s health insurance program. Poorly organized rallies in most of the country’s crack-infested neighbourhoods were held in a show of solidarity to maintain the tradition of youth pickpocket culture.

Oliver Christ, the self-appointed leader of the street kids — a smelly vagabond who appears to have just finished eating a handful of gruel — was poetically euphoric in his address afloat a wooden raft in international waters. “Grumble grumble, sweeeeeeet,” said Oliver, “get the ointment, methinks… crusty puss!”

Bush was also touched by his own virtuous brilliance as President: “This Democratic Congress is trying to steal people’s votes by manipulating the public’s own love of children. It takes a real leader to recognize that rapscallions living in Victorian-era standards of hygiene withstanding the last known cases of smallpox want something that no pollster could identify — their sovereignty to choose which way to live, without someone telling them they need to clean open wounds, or not to pee on their friends while they sleep.”

While the President was worried that the funding may lead to further steps towards universal health care coverage, many industry leaders were happy that multi-tiered medicine will continue to thrive in the near future. Hank Snow, President of the Child Cough Propagation Agency, was hopeful that this rejection of humanity may aid his organization’s growth not only in the United States, but also abroad. “There’s talk that repetitive and annoying children’s coughing in this country may soon become the world leader in the field,” said Snow while not washing his hands and coughing on passersby, “I for one am excited that America will finally be making progress in the right direction.”

When asked if this move is needlessly endangering the lives of underprivileged youth, President Bush became combative, saying that “you don’t know the first thing about running this country! Do you have any idea how much Sesame Street bandaids cost? Or those damn Flintstones vitamins? Instead of worrying about the sniffles or insignificant cases of swollen gums caused by the onset of scurvy, our children can spend their time boning up on more important things, like how to pronounce words backwards. Think about it.”

After being interrupted by a choir of cheers from emaciated youngsters who seemed to be shouting “We Need Gruel”, the President seemed magnanimous in accepting their cheers of “Bush You Rule”. “Thanks kids! Who wants some empty cans?! You… yeah you, the kid bleeding out of his ears — you can spit shine my shoes for a neon pog!”

Yes, the kids are alright, indeed!

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