Archive for the ‘Academia’ Category

Scholars Confirm Nostradamus Correctly Predicted Overcast Weather in Cleveland

Saturday, November 3rd, 2007

Yesss.... people will wear... sweaters!

The academic world was abuzz late Friday with the news that another prophecy of the 16th Century French Apothecary Nostradamus has been confirmed as totally legitimate and inarguably accurate.  On Friday, an overcast day in Cleveland provided the clearcut evidence that Nostradamus enthusiasts were waiting for.

In his book of long-term predictions published in 1555, The Prophecies, the French seer penned the following passage in the 15 Quatrain of his 5th Century of forecasts:

Dans la ville des têtes Brunes
où le cuir de jet d’Indiens à leurs ennemis
une ombre de journée sera moulé
par le grand masque divin

Which loosely translates in English to:

In the city of the Brown heads
where Indians throw leather at their enemies
a daytime shadow shall be cast
by the great divine mask

“I’d like to see how the skeptics can deny this one,” laughs University of London Professor Jack Handy.  “Here we’ve got a guy who predicts that there will be clouds over 450 years in the future in a city that he didn’t even know existed.  I mean that’s absolutely incredible.  It’s like me predicting that someone will urinate in Europe in the year 2460 — and what are the odds of that happening?  Not good…”

Nostradamus’ prophecies have been reputed to predict everything from the Great Fire of London to the World Trade Center attacks on September 11th, 2001.  However, a large movement exists that believes modern scholars are hastily applying ‘retroactive clairvoyance’ to the original manuscripts.

“Yeah, clouds in Cleveland, what a surprise,” quips skeptic Norman Mailer, “that’s not something that a retarded monkey who’s just been in a car accident and set on fire could predict, is it?  Ok, I predict that after I say this sentence Earth will not have exploded and my body will continue to perform cellular respiration as a means to obtain energy and release waste products………. See?  I’m a fucking genius!”

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