Calculus Co-Inventor Leibniz Surpasses James Dean to Become People’s ‘Sexiest Man Dead’

Leibniz or Dean???

In a move that has shocked celebrity pundits and specialists in multi-variate calculus alike, 17th Century intellectual Gottfried Leibniz has eclipsed James Dean as People’s ‘Sexiest Man Dead’ in their annual issue.  Although perhaps most famous for independently co-inventing calculus with Sir Isaac Newton, Leibniz was also known for his sculpted facial features and rippling pecks.

“Just because photography wasn’t invented during his lifetime does not mean that he should be disqualified,” explains People editor Grease Monkey.  “His hotness is legendary — his ability to create mathematical notation and syntax that continues to this day is especially yummable!”

Fans of James Dean simply cannot believe the outcome — this is an award that the ‘Rebel Without a Cause’ has shared for each of the last 26 years with WWI President Woodrow Wilson.

Dean Fan Club President Jimminy Cricket was especially enraged: “Look, we’re talking about a man here, Leibniz, whose grave went unmarked for 50 years.  The dude was like 70 when he died, all old and stuff.  Check out James Dean; he lived fast and left a good looking corpse.  Assuming the formaldehyde held out, I’m sure there are still people who’d like a piece of him.”

When asked if eulogizing the celebrities of yesteryear accomplished anything other than filling truly unremarkable people’s brains with further useless matter, Monkey shot back, “what’s the difference between that and what we normally do?”

The top 10 Sexiest Dead Men were as follows:

  1. Gottfried Leibniz
  2. James Dean
  3. President Woodrow Wilson
  4. Tsar Peter the Great
  5. The Right Honourable John Diefenbaker
  6. Odysseus
  7. Field Marshall Irwin Rommel
  8. Rasputin
  9. John Locke
  10. Jamphel Gyatso, the 8th Dalai Lama

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