Yahoo Advises Against Web Searching For “Coup D’Etat 4:30 today China bring ammo”

One day we may fall in battle -- but it is not this day!

Chinese residents may want to think twice before using Internet search engines to find like-minded revolutionaries.

Yahoo today released a list of words belonging to search logs that they impulsively cannot hesitate to provide to the Chinese Communist Government. In light of recently settling a legal case with the family of a journalist who was jailed and mistreated after the company handed over search records to China, Chief Yahoo Gerry Yang said that their legal counsel is forcing them to warn the public about the dangers of questioning authority.

“We’d like to tell the public to stop searching for these words. We can’t help but to tell China everything we do. It’s like we’re ex-lovers who run into each other in awkward two year intervals whenever we’re both single and unabashedly tipsy — we simply can’t keep our hands off each other,” said Yang in a statement.

Among the words or phrases to avoid typing into the Yahoo search prompt are:

  • revolution
  • ninja
  • Robespierre
  • krang
  • fluoride conspiracy
  • cannonade
  • whereabouts of Amelia Earhart
  • did you ever wonder why rice looks like fish eggs
  • china girl bowie racial stereotyping
  • how many collective IQ points did the world lose after watching phantom menace
  • Alf
  • and, Pitcairn incest; what other option?; ethical ramifications; the swirl

Yang further intimated that discouraging free searching broke the companies long-standing moral adherences. “This can only serve to weaken our dominance over Google in our one remaining bastion of the web — dissident-betrayal. Before the Chinese forced our hand, we had over 80% of the market share in the identification of brooding freedom fighters. Getting sued just handed it to big G on a silver platter, thank you very much,” scowled the CEO.

When reminded that Yahoo Answers outlasted Google’s competitive product, Yang seemed dismissive, saying, “Do you need to ask the solution for how much revenue we make off that thing? God, please do, I could use the 3 thousandths of a cent in ad revenue.”

Along with the potential to be handed over to the Chinese Secret Police, Yahoo has altered their Terms & Conditions to reflect other potential brutal eventualities:

INTERNATIONAL ESPIONAGE & HISTORICAL TIME TRAVELING WAIVER

You hereby understand that using Yahoo.com or any of its subsidiary websites and/or products may or may not result in your physical and mental embodiment being implicated in a Marxist International Junta. You will be detained by foreign authorities, subject to cruel and unusual punishment (such as eating Big Turks), forced to remember the lyrics to ‘My Humps’, and coerced into operating experimental time travel apparatuses. Your Yahoo user account may or may not also be frozen for 24 hours. But you’ll still be able to search the web and check horoscopes — you’ll just have to wait a bit to check your fantasy hockey team and stock portfolio.

To obtain a full listing of restricted words, please contact Yahoo’s communications department.

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