Importers: Tainted Chinese Kids’ Toys Clearly Labeled ‘For Date-Rapists Aged 5+’

Don't play too long kids!

Officials from the Consumer Product Safety Commission were reeling after it was made public that a drug commonly known as the ‘date rape drug’, gamma-hydroxy butyrate (GHB), was found in a popular children’s toy, Aqua Dots.  The Chinese-made toys have caused serious illness in 5 children worldwide after toddlers swallowed the beads, which contain high concentrations of GHB.

The Toronto-based importers of the toys were on the defensive, however, saying that their products were clearly marked as only appropriate for ‘date rapists aged 5+’.

“How dumb are poeple — I mean it’s right on the package in big white letters,” laughs Spin Master Ltd CEO Buckminster Fuller, whose company distributes the toys in North America.  “You would think that any non-date rapists would clue in and find a different toy to play with.”

After suggestions that his product could be used maliciously in despicable criminal acts, Fuller became very defensive.  “The label does NOT say ‘for use in date rape’.  That’s crazy!  All it’s implying is that only a niched subset of the population can handle this toy properly.  People with enough experience to handle it safely.”

Industry analyst James Baker openly wondered how any child could have acquired these requisite skills.  “I think we need some kind of government certification program, so that only truly qualified candidates can play with these toys.  I suppose then we’d also need some kind of government-endorsed study to help define what a ‘qualified’ candidate actually entails.”

The Safety Commission has ordered a full public recall of the toys, and has set up collection bins next to dark night-clubs where unknown strangers meet regularly to share unattended drinks.

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4 Responses to “Importers: Tainted Chinese Kids’ Toys Clearly Labeled ‘For Date-Rapists Aged 5+’”

  1. Reach For The Stars Says:

    People never read the fine print. Thanks for the post.

  2. dnnimcio Says:

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  3. Hentai Raven Hentai Hentai Clips Says:

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  4. Hentai Videl Hentai Tenchi Hentai Says:

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