‘Duck Hunt’ Franchise Shows Fatigue In Ill-Fated New Movie Adaptation

How do I sleep with a 2D character?

That laughing dog has one more thing to giggle about.

Film reviewers were merciless this week in their excoriation of the recent big-screen adaption of the video gaming classic ‘Duck Hunt’. Trying to bank on the recent trend of adapting video game classics to film, ‘Duck Hunt: The Movie’ instead provided critics with a lot to take aim at.

“I’m not sure where to begin,” fumed critic impresario Roger Ebert. “The fact that we don’t leave the confines of the two-dimensional field of play leaves the directors with little dramatic options, the stilted interplay between the original characters and new bankable stars like Angelina Jolie and Soundwave from Transformers leaves much to be desired, and relying entirely on the NES 8-bit graphics engine has produced predictable and yawn-inspiring special effects.”

“Whoever greenlighted this film should be subject to an involuntary sex change,” added Ebert.

Reports of creative conflict dogged the film through pre-production and principle shooting.

“I don’t think I’ll ever work with animals again,” offers Angelina Jolie. “Every few minutes the ducks would take off, the entire sky would go instantly yellow, and a massive ‘Fly Away’ wordmark would flash in the air. It was obviously very frustrating. Not to mention that condescending dog kept on laughing at everybody — I would have put cyanide in his water dish if it weren’t for those PETA representatives on set.”

Among other shortfalls identified by critics were:

  • the film’s reliance on repetitive scenes using recurring patterns of action
  • an absence of an actual ‘duck hunter’ character — shots ring in as if they were directed by God
  • a superfluously graphic romantic subplot involving Soundwave and an injured Mallard (”I thought that kind of thing was only legal in Croatia?” asks Richard Roeper)

Despite the dismal opening box office, Paramount Pictures has commissioned a sequel to ‘Duck Hunt’, which industry insiders say will explore the fragility of mankind and our ultimately futile stewardship of the environment.

“They’re casting a monkey and a talking human buttock in the lead roles,” says ET anchor Sugar Ray.

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One Response to “‘Duck Hunt’ Franchise Shows Fatigue In Ill-Fated New Movie Adaptation”

  1. marrone Says:

    good stuff man

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