Hemingway’s Estate Admits Giant Marlin From ‘The Old Man And The Sea’ Is Gay

Santiago would have been shocked!!

In the wake of British author J.K. Rowling’s admission that one of the main characters in her Harry Potter series — Hogwarts school headmaster Albus Dumbledore — is gay, the estate of Ernest Hemingway is today conceding that the giant Marlin adversary in the classic novella ‘The Old Man and the Sea’, is also homosexual. It has been more than 55 years since the work was originally published, but the revelation has nevertheless left the literary community positively buzzing.

In a statement, Hemingway’s grandson Gregory revealed that:

“My grandfather always intended the Marlin to be a raging homosexual, but he could never figure out how to incorporate his sexual orientation into the story properly. He considered the possibility of having the Marlin cry out in erotic ecstasy as he was being eaten by a horde of masculine, famished Mako Sharks, but copyediters did not approve of the Marlin’s use of the phrase “Nggggngggyeeeessssseeeeeaaaaatttttmmmmmeeeeeee” as it did not fit the columnar restraints of the original magazine publication.”

“The old man, Santiago, considers the Marlin on the end of his line as more than his adversary, he considers him his brother,” explained Stanford University Professor of Contemporary English Literature Hugh Jazz. “This uncovers the possibility that The ‘Old Man and the Sea’ had lascivious homo-incestuous-bestial implications. The next time people read Hemingway’s masterpiece, I suggest they have some vaseline and kleenex handy, just in case. Delicious.”

Other experts contend that the evidence was in the original manuscript. “Didn’t anyone notice how many harpoons Santiago had on his tiny boat to ward off the Mako Sharks? The guy had more arrow-shaped accessories than Mr. Slave from South Park. And the Old Man inordinately enjoyed plunging those death sticks deep inside the scavengers. The imagery is quite clear,” said Bill Brasky, a veritable Hemingway superfan.

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25 Responses to “Hemingway’s Estate Admits Giant Marlin From ‘The Old Man And The Sea’ Is Gay”

  1. darlinglilred Says:

    It’s about time someone else noticed this!
    I feel that Big Bird and Snuffleuppagus should be outted next…

  2. ray ray Says:

    Isn’t it Marlin?

  3. Michael Parkatti Says:

    Good show, yes, Virginia, I am a retard….

  4. Chris Says:

    Good times man. Thanks for the heads up about the gay Marlin…I knew there was a reason why I hated the ocean. Whew.

  5. sammi Says:


  6. Jason A Clark Says:

    I always felt there was something fishy about that story.

  7. loonylvr Says:

    hahaha, thanks for showing the complete randomness and idiocy of outing a character when the books are done, like the old man from the sea this outing is bordering on the ridiculous!!!

  8. andrew Says:

    dude, you kick ass.

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