Turkey Threatens To Invade Cranberristan

We'll settle this in the lower intestine

Saber-rattling among Turkey’s conservative war hawks continued on Monday, sparking renewed fears that all-out war could further ravage Thanksgiving dinner plates.  After four years of dire pronouncements, Turkey’s leaders warned that incursions along their borders from ethnic Cranberry Sauce militants could spark a full invasion into Cranberristan.

While attempting to alleviate the situation through diplomatic means, the Bush administration could not hide their exasperation.  “We’ve tried to do everything in our power to defuse the tension,” explains Secretary of State Condolleeza Rice, “however, it seems as though Turkey is tiring of coordinated attacks on their hegemony in the region.  We have reports of the Cranberry Sauce Separatists gaining logistical support both the Stuffing/Yam alliance and the United Mashed Potato Confederacy.  Signs are not encouraging.”

This is not the first time that the Thanksgiving plate has hosted armed conflict — in ancient times, the Pumpkyntine Empire ruled the left portion of the plate, but the invention of dessert plating granted Turkey free reign over the culinary hot-spot.  When the Dinner Roll Free State was created via international treaty following the second world war, Turkey found itself in a tense power-sharing arrangement.

After the historic Camp Gravy Accords, the region had experienced a long period of tranquility, only to be interrupted by the foreign incursion of Pizza into ethnic Cranberristan after the United States of Pizzarica accused the Cranberries of withholding their natural resource wealth to artificially drive up prices for the Pizza Hut dessert pizza campaign.  Turkey had maintained their neutrality, but the nationalist fervour in Cranberristan has sparked widespread speculaion that ethnic Smoked Ham may try to leverage regional turmoil to re-assert their claims on the Thanksgiving scene — a circumstance that Turkey would defend at any cost.

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4 Responses to “Turkey Threatens To Invade Cranberristan”

  1. cyberdong Says:

    Okay, that’s fucked…

  2. darlinglilred Says:

    I love how totally random and nonsensical, yet compelling and important your daily enteries are. I for one do not support the Cranberristan’s at all, I believe there should be a massive genocide movement to wipe them off the Thanksgiving plate all together!

  3. Michael Parkatti Says:

    Well there has been reports of ethnic cleansing in the galaxy of Lap Napkin, with entire swathes of Cranberristan residents being thrown in the garbage in one disgusting mess… but this is not confirmed…

  4. origin of Thanksgiving Says:

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