Not To Be Outdone By Gore, Quayle Wins Fixed-Rate Financing Via Email

I see your Nobel, and raise you Spam

In the wake of Former Vice-President Al Gore winning the Nobel Peace Prize in recognition of his efforts to educate the world about the perils of global warming, pressure mounted on fellow Former Vice-President Dan Quayle to produce evidence that he hasn’t simply sat on a couch eating caramels for the past 15 years. However, his critics should be silenced today with the news that Quayle has won a fixed-rate financing deal over the Internet.

“This is a pleasant surprise for me and my family,” said Quayle in a statement, “and I’m sure it will take many days to fully digest its significance.”

He added that he was informed of his victory while perusing the junk mail folder of his family’s Email account. “I opened this email from Countrywide Home Loans, and it said that I’d won the chance to refinance my home at a fixed rate. I almost didn’t believe it, I had to show it to my wife. When we realized what it was, we hugged eachother, and I called my publicist! And to think, I almost didn’t open it,” Quayle continued.

Comparing the two former VP’s achievements, White House Spokeswoman Dana Perino said, “both men have considerable track records in their fields of achievement.” When asked what those fields are exactly, Perino elaborated, saying, “well… Al Gore in the field of worldwide climate change, and Dan Quayle, in the field of home computers and casual Internet use.”

Just as Gore donated his winnings to charity and advocacy groups, a spokesperson for Vice-President Quayle mentioned that he may donate the $0.04 he’s expected to save every year because of the consolidated financing, but will wait advisement from his accountant regarding the tax implications. “He doesn’t want to worry about the money right now… right now it’s just all about the cause he’s fighting and the people he loves.”

Quayle’s announcement may radically shake-up the moribund Republican Presidential nomination race, but the former VP is tight-lipped about his potential bid. Advisers and party faithful had already been pleading with Quayle to run, and this Email financing victory only bolsters their case.

“As far as seeming Presidential… I mean, what else could you ask for?” asked one senior Republican Official, who asked to remain anonymous.

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