50 Cent Bored of Perfection, Quits Touring

 Why tour when you're already rich??

In a masterstroke of artist evolution, rapper 50 Cent announced yesterday in an interview that he was planning to quit touring altogether, due to his becoming tired with the format and the futility of continuing his unquestioned perfection of the craft.

“Hey, sometimes the best need to just know when to pack it in,” said Mr. Cent, “I remember when I was growing up and Santa stopped coming around, I knew that he probably just got tired of it — you know, being the best at what he did.”

Asked if he was considering following the path of The Beatles in 1966, and has quit touring in order to concentrate on perfecting his recorded sound, Fitty replied, “Have you seen the fuckin’ tracks on my last album? ‘My Gun Go Off’, ‘I’ll Still Kill’, ‘Peep Show’… what else is there to do? I think I’ve covered music’s potential.” Prodded as to how he could possibly have exhausted every permutation of chord arrangement and sonic tone, 50 looked confused, and rubbed his groin in a suggestive manner.

It’s obvious that he is a man dealing soberly with his own brilliance, something that all preceding saviours of music have combated before him. “Beethoven, [Frank] Sinatra, The Beatles, Wilson Phillips… all the greats, they’ve all contacted me to let me know that I’m better than them. I’m not sure what there is left to do,” said Cent with a ponderous sigh. When it was pointed out that most of those acts are dead, 50 looked confused, and rubbed his groin in a suggestive manner.

It is sad to see a legend kill his own career at the height of his powers. His genius will live on, in his music, his cultural significance, and his 50 Cent brand shampoo.

Popularity: 11% [?]

Email This Post    Share on Facebook

3 Responses to “50 Cent Bored of Perfection, Quits Touring”

  1. marrone Says:

    ha man, this is a classic

  2. TomB Says:

    Hey Michael, yeh great!!
    But is marrone you, you’re wife or brother?
    He / she replies on every story..heh,heh!

  3. TomB Says:

    When a person replies they have to type in the (required) code.
    What if they can’t read??? LOL!!
    Oh yeah and please use the new e-mail address.
    Thanks Tomb

Leave a Reply